Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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