is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
