So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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