Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
