Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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