I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
