youre lurking in front of me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
