Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
