So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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