pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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