You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
