If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
