he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
