So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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