Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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