her vagine was all disorganized.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
