addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
