Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
