Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
