I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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