Define "chronic" masturbator.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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