Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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