My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
