dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
bring money and cleavage
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
