Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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