I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
