last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We had sex on a dog bed..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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