There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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