i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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