Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
