Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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