Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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