I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
