very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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