Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
