Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
