I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
