I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
