from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
