there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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