You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
