My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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