Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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