I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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