I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
