I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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