I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
