Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
