Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
