When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Let's paint friendship bongs
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
