This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
