Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
