I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
