WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
