You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
