He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
