I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
