I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
