So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
