is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
