I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
