at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
