Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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