So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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